Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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