FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
