Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
