he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
