whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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