She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
