Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
