I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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