Pants 0. Shit 1.
I cockslap morals
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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