I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
