He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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