smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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