I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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