Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.