People in love make me want to vomit
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.