Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word