i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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