I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she peed on how many people?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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