dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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