I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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