Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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