is your mom at the bar?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
