I seem to have left my pride at pride
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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