If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
