I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
