Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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