New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
