Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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