Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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