i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
