Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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