Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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