I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
