I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
