my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
did i just pee glitter
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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