True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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