hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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