get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
