I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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