I feel like I'm in dance class right now
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
