did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
