If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were trust falling into bushes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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