DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
