Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
