this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
