woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
