he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
