if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
