I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
