One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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