Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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