Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
