so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
