I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
