grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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