what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
