i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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