Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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