dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
