goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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