your thong is hanging out like whoa
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
