Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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