Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she was so not down for the gang bang
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
