So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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