so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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