There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
